Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Courage?



I suppose it is time to update. I know, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but sometimes actually doing it forces me to reflect upon things that are going on in my life and sometimes I am not really up for that. Most of the time, I don't write about those which just leaves the post short and me feeling like a liar. Anyway...

I passed my EMT exam (written and practical) and got my "credentials" in the mail. LOL. Three of my classmates didn't, which is highly unfortunate since they were the 3 that I was closest to. Despite my initial feeling, I managed to get an 87% with the highest being 92% (my partner).

School is in full swing and I am sitting on a strong A (we don't do pluses and minuses where I go to school) in Developmental Psych and a strong B in Human Physiology. I am actually quite disappointed in the B since it is only because I couldn't get myself motivated to study for hte second exam that I have anything less than an A. Ugh.

I have begun to read a book that was recommended to me...The Courage to Heal. A pretty intense read if you are a member of the audience for whom it was intended. I was warned that it would be, but somehow managed to suck it up and read it anyway. It is a book for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I can't bring myself to doing the writing "exercises" so to speak. After this many years, I still can't write it. Writing is so permanent and it has never worked out well for me. It seems that anything personal that I write tends to be thrown back in my face in one way or another.

Speaking of the perpetrator of that "crime"...I have found out how to get my mother off of the phone when she calls...begin talking about myself. Sad, but true. She will blather on about my sister and her life and so on and so forth, and when I finally interject about what has been going on with me she gets eerily quiet and then says..."Well, I gotta go." Umm....Ok. While it does seem sad, I have blocked my mother out of my mind as a healthy person with anything positive to contribute and really kind of am excited about the fact that I can accomplish ending a conversation without being the one to say "Ok, Bye." If that were the case, she would simply tell everyone that I am a horrible person who doesn't want to talk to her.

It is a nice day outside. I am just chillin' as the laundry is being done and reading my book in short bursts.